What it ''feels'' like being 30.
fear not babes. I am one year in. I have ''flopped'' a little.
In just over a month, I turn 31.
I feel experienced enough to answer, how ‘‘30’’ really felt.
Unashamedly, candidly, and honestly.
I wrote a post about how I wasn’t scared of turning 30, when I was 29. I feel that 30 for me has been incredibly challenging, but ‘‘brave’’.
I’ll be honest 30 financially wasn’t the best, it was ‘‘okay’’ but that is the life of a creative and a business owner, the money flows and sometimes it, well, goes. Within 6 months of being 30 I changed management, had a mental breakdown, and became lost on who I am and what I was doing ‘‘again’’, I became a victim of a crime, started therapy again, lost out on Debut Presenter for The New Voice Awards, contemplated deleting my Instagram because I couldn’t be consistent at posting or in fact,
I was shortlisted for Forbes 30 under 30 for Media & Entertainment and woke up at 6 a.m. scrolling and about to tap my husband in his deep sleep like ‘‘BABE…’ GUESS WHAAAAAAT’ only to scroll profusely to find that I was not on the list. Indeed, it’s not a big deal because to be shortlisted is still an achievement, but you know when you’re in a space where you are desperate for good news and quite literally hanging on by a thread? Yeah—that.
There were many TV documentary ideas I spent countless weekends researching only for them to be rejected or I was told ‘‘We have just commissioned an idea on this, great to know you’re on the ball!’’ Lovely Jubbly. This meant after an active 2023, there was well..nothing! happening!
I spent a lot of 30 thinking:
‘‘WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?’’
This is not how I expected to enter 30! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
I walked into 30 feeling ready to take on the world like 21-year-old me again,
older! wiser! hotter! and then I realized this year more than ever that:
‘‘Sometimes life be lifeing’’
and you can do nothing about it.
Journalist and Author Oliver Burkeman said to BBC Radio Presenter Nihal Arthanayake on his Radio 5 Podcast Headliners that ‘‘We suffer from a total vulnerability to events’’ and so at any moment, anything can happen, whether that is good or bad news.
He also said:
‘‘the suspense of not knowing what is going to happen is the engine to a memorable life’’
I have a month left to be 30 and this quote has provided me much healing when reflecting on this year, because, despite the fact I have been challenged emotionally and professionally, It is still a life experience, and has still provided me with memorable life, one that I have been able to share with you right now on this post.
There have also been some great things to come out of 30, too. It wasn’t all bad, of course. I traveled the world, but I wanted to make a point of the fact that we put so much emphasis on age! on chapters! on things! (I subconsciously did). Life is going to do what it does best and be unpredictable, and you have to just ‘‘roll with it.’’
A year ago I would have *died* at the idea of sharing any ‘‘misfortunes’’ I was willing to take much of this to my GRAVE but are they misfortunes? or actually - are they simply additions one cannot control that add to living a rich and meaningful life?
TV Presenter, chef, and Author, Andi Oliver said in her interview with The Guardian in December 2024 she says:
‘‘after trauma, you have to find the light or else what is the point of continuing?’’
Living is suffering, and that has never been truer to me, they both go hand in hand, everyone who you may follow on the internet and engage with who you think has no drama in their life, no stress, I can promise you, they are suffering in their way, that they may not reveal to you because: ‘‘not everybody looks like what they’re going through’’.
Some of the personal matters that came into full effect at 30 also ‘‘slowed’’ me down professionally and so because I spent many of my twenties hustling, I felt at odds with that identity of living ‘‘slowly’’.
However what 30 has shown me is that even when I was in my 20’s not as wise, broke, and dating assholes, I did amazing work that I am still benefitting from today (Talking about my boobs has given me a career!) and so I now know for sure that I can create meaningful and enlightening work and another awesome life because I have done it before, so there is no reason why I absolutely can’t do it again.
So, on reflection 30 feels like…we have plenty of time to sometimes live a little slower, fall, make mistakes, enter adversity, create stuff that makes no sense to anyone, fail, cry, have numerous breakdowns, dust ourselves off and then eventually come back to who you are because guess what? I’m back.
Now, how’s that for a handful?
Jackie x