Why I'm not scared of turning 30
In the words of Paris Hilton: I always want to be ''sliving'' my best life at whatever age.
“Is this cool?” I text my 22-year-old sister asking about what caption I should use for Instagram.
I receive her text back:
“No. This is so Milleni, keep it simple please”
(milleni means millennial, I know who would have thunk it?).
I chuckle to myself and think about the Nora Ephron quote that sums it all up:
‘’when you get older, things come along that you know are a test in some way of your ability to stay with it".
I’m only 29, but my God, already I’ve found myself referring to the “youth of today” as well as bothering my 22-year-old sister who I have assigned as my unofficial Gen-Z manager (I pay her in lasagne and over night stays on our sofa).
I turn 30 in February next year
and I was having a conversation with a friend recently who told me she had a breakdown six months before her 30th because she felt she hadn’t accomplished anything, no house, a job she semi-liked, never had a boyfriend, she deemed herself a failure.
I don’t have that exact weight on my shoulders but I empathise with her on this feeling of not quite accomplishing certain goals. I still have my own invisible hang-ups that I think about, but I said to her: why are we rushing? Like who decided we are meant to have it all together by 30? Does anyone have it together?
We both nodded in agreement, looked at each other and in unison both said ‘’Ah’’.
We knew exactly why we were rushing, society told us so: the patriarchal system of power which has fed the 88 billion dollar anti-aging cream industry and the idea that a woman is damaged goods by the time she’s 40 (which gives us *checks notes* 10 years to have a baby *should we want that* and get the dream job, oh and the house). As Molly Crabapple once wrote in a piece on turning 30: “Thirty is supposed to be the beginning of the end of hot girlhood”.
So like…. are we all meant to believe we are all going to be butters now post 30?
I rebel against that feeling, that messaging, that belief because I mentally feel like I’m just getting started.
Joy and success are defined by us, we shouldn’t measure them by age, what we should focus on is what is going well right now in our lives rather than what's not.
I’ve had many conversations with women who have said their 30’s are the best era: financially stable (no more being broke in your twenties), more ballsy about what they want, I’ve even heard the sex gets better!! Ding ding ding!!
I acknowledge how much the patriarchy still shames women for being single, the erasure of older women in media, women deciding not to have children and choosing not to get married, but I consciously choose to surround myself with images of women who are doing things their own way regardless of what the patriarchy thinks, or what age they are. Their way or the highway!
When I think about all the women who truly inspire me, they have done things their way, they’re not only older but they reached professional success later in life. I mean the Michelle Yeoh’s, The Viola Davis’, Jennifer Coolidge’s, the Andi Oliver’s of this world, they can truly enjoy the blessings and fruits of their labour because they’ve lived a fun fulfilling life, and welcome all the opportunities because to them they’re only getting started even though their in their 50’s and early sixties.
We can’t guarantee feeling twenty-one again but what we can guarantee throughout our lives is wisdom and adventure.
A conscious effort to learn and reflect as we go.
If I have learned anything about aging, it's an opportunity to rebirth, do it all over again but this time with wisdom and experience, and because of that I will know myself better.
Why should I be scared of growing into the best version of myself?
I’m not scared of turning 30 because it’s a privilege, it's an added good, as we age we should start to do more of the things that are full of life experiences, more dancing in heels, more skinny dipping, more sex! New foods! More holidays! More pleasure! More living! Because the best is yet to come.
Or as Toni Morrison once beautifully said: "I don’t want to make somebody else. I want to make myself”.
Now, how's that for a handful?
Jackie x
More Than Handful Recommendations:
Where I recommend celebrities, artists, creatives to inspire you who keep showing the world that they’re a handful and expressing themselves and living life on nobody’s terms but their own <3
To watch: My favourite Tik To creator Nikki Hassell who is 80 years old who gives us wisdom and looks, and tells us things she wishes she knew when she was 20!
To listen:
CMO Of Netflix: "Work Life Balance" Is BAD Advice! I Lost My Baby & My Husband! two snaps for this queen Former CMO of Netflix and former Chief Brand Officer of Uber, Bozoma Saint John who talks about her triumphs and tribulations, it is absolutely epic. I don’t know her but I love her.
To Visit: Went to We out here festival which is a jazz and electronic festival headed by Giles Peterson, which is on every August. If you like new jazz, then you’ll love this festival, a melting pot of cultures. Lots of great acts, great talks, oh and they serve watermelon gin bull which has a crack in it. (I’m sure of it!)
Can’t stop thinking about: This badass Brooklyn-raised jazz act called Melanie Charles who I discovered at We Out Here She had these funky green boots on, danced, shook her ass, played the flute, and kept us entertained. She reminds me of a VV Brown meets Nina Simone.